Personalizing

What is Personalizing? #

Personalizing is a cognitive distortion that involves taking undue responsibility for negative events or outcomes, assuming that we are solely to blame even when there are other factors at play. When we engage in personalizing, we tend to internalize external events and attribute them to our own shortcomings or inadequacies, disregarding any external factors or circumstances. This distortion can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-blame, impacting our self-esteem and well-being.

Example Scenarios #

To better understand the cognitive distortion of Personalizing, let’s explore a few scenarios that illustrate how this distortion can manifest in our thoughts:

1. Failed Group Project #

• Scenario: John is part of a group project that did not meet the expectations set by the professor. Despite contributing his fair share of work, John blames himself entirely for the project’s failure, believing that he was not competent or capable enough.
• Explanation: In this scenario, John engages in Personalizing by assuming complete responsibility for the project’s outcome, disregarding the contributions and actions of other group members and potential external factors such as conflicting schedules or lack of coordination. By personalizing the failure, John overlooks the complexity of group dynamics and shoulders the blame disproportionately.

2. Relationship Breakdown #

• Scenario: Lisa’s romantic relationship recently ended. She immediately blames herself for the breakup, believing that she was not lovable or deserving of a healthy partnership.
• Explanation: Lisa’s cognitive distortion of Personalizing is evident as she internalizes the relationship’s failure and attributes it solely to her own perceived flaws. By neglecting to consider the dynamics, compatibility, and contributions of both partners, she assumes all responsibility for the outcome, leading to self-blame and a negative self-perception.

3. Receiving Constructive Feedback #

• Scenario: Mark receives constructive feedback from his supervisor on a project he worked on. Instead of acknowledging the feedback as an opportunity for growth, Mark takes it personally, assuming that his abilities and skills are inadequate.
• Explanation: Mark’s Personalizing is apparent as he internalizes the feedback and assumes it reflects his overall worth and competence. By disregarding the intention of constructive feedback and failing to separate his self-worth from the performance of a specific project, Mark unnecessarily blames himself and undermines his confidence.

Identifying Personalizing #

Here are a few questions to ask yourself to determine if your thoughts may be distorted by Personalizing:

1. Am I automatically assuming complete responsibility for negative events or outcomes without considering external factors or other people’s contributions?
2. Have I overlooked any circumstances or situational factors that could have influenced the outcome?
3. Am I attributing personal flaws or inadequacies to events or situations that may have multiple causes?
4. Have I considered alternative explanations or interpretations of the situation that could provide a more balanced perspective?
5. Is there evidence that supports my assumption of complete personal responsibility, or am I exaggerating my role in the event?

Recognizing the tendency to Personalize can help us develop a more accurate and compassionate view of ourselves, allowing for self-growth, resilience, and a healthier sense of self-worth.